This past few days the People of BTS have given me too much of a headache. Also a few actually gave me an illness as my throat is now clogged up. I’m guessing it was due to the kind ladies next to me on Monday who were constantly sneezing all the way from On Nut to Siam.

Just in case you’re new in town, and foolishly thinking that taking Bangkok’s BTS or MRT is like taking one back home. Though the trains may look like an old Shinkansen model, and the stations may look like they have been airlifted from Singapore, but the truth remains: in Thailand, things are not the way they seem.

Someone once told me, Thai people think of the BTS/MRT as a bus. A Thai bus. The one that speeds away from their stop, stops for no one, and speeds off just as fast before you fully get on. It’s also crowded, no room to be polite, you have to be selfish to get to your destination.

This bus culture is still pretty much evident on the BTS/MRT. And just in case you’re not already familiar, here’s a simple set of guidelines for surviving a Bangkok’s public commuter train.

1. Always form a neat queue when waiting for the train. But once it comes, run as fast as you can and push everyone aside so you could get yourself in front of the doors first.

2. No food or drinks on board. But packed sidewalk treats are allowed. Make sure they are as smelly as possible. Think fermented fish, garlic-laced pork barbecue, som tum, fried salted fish, and when possible, ripe durians.

3. If you’re coming down with a flu, don’t worry about carrying a napkin or handkerchief. Once you’ve sneezed, feel free to wipe your hands on the handle bars.

4. When you see that the BTS/MRT is already packed with people, by all means jump right in, especially when the warning sound starts. Just like the yellow light in traffic, the warning sound means “motherfucker go go go” and not “get ready to stop” like the rest of the world.

5. Right in front of the doors but this isn’t your stop? It’s alright to stand and act as if you’re a tree and rooted in your position. Others definitely don’t mind trying to maneuver themselves around you. Just make sure you have an extra layer of skin on your face and all will be fine.

6. See the poles? They’re not for holding. They’re for leaning and hugging, and sometimes as a practice space for your nighttime performance. Feel free to flung your arms around it like it’s your long lost friend. Better yet, lean your sweaty body against it so no one else can hold it. It’s yours to keep.

7. What’s more important? Checking your BB or holding a handle bar? Of course the BlackBerry wins. So when the BTS finally brakes, you can rightfully fall on other passengers. That’s their purpose you know, to be your cushion.

8. Girls, and I’m sure you already know, EVERYONE LOVES your perfume. So go crazy on that bottle of knock-off No. 5 from the talad you bought the other day.

9. Kids. We know those backpacks are heavy. But please don’t rest them on the floor for your convenience. We like it when that thing bumps into the backs of our heads, and you being completely oblivious to the whole thing.

10. Despite multiple staircases, and in Siam, multiple escalators available, you should be lazy and take the same one as everyone else. Because you know, an escalator takes you places faster, even if it means you have to wait in line as long as the BTS itself.

Being a technologically advanced girl, sometimes it baffles me how people still don’t know the basics of computer–installing a software, burning a CD, copying PDF texts and formatting fonts in Word or PowerPoint.

And don’t give me the excuse “I’m too old to learn,” if you’re still working in 2009, you need to keep up with the world.

I’m not asking you to crop photos for Facebook, or set up a Twitter account to link with your Flickr. These are workplace basics that you need to know to survive.

I have been to so many meetings with marketing managers, sales managers, god-knows-what managers and I can’t even count how many times their PowerPoint presentations are shown through the editing screen, not the full-screen viewer. So when they had to change a page, they had to click one from the list on the side. Then why didn’t you just make a Word document? And one just almost happened today. If I hadn’t introduced the magic of F5, it would have been very embarrassing.

I remember having a meeting with a very famous and respectable hotel chain, who came to present to us their new venture. Brought in professionally dressed team, who then instead of whipping out a laptop to connect with our projector, they rolled out a stack of four presentation boards, with taped printouts on them.

Is it just Thailand? Is it only the Thai companies and employees that refuse to go along with the world’s development? Most job postings nowadays the very least require a knowledge of Microsoft Office, and to know there are still people of some form of authority and seniority in a company who are clueless about these basics, it’s just shocking.

Maybe because most Thai bosses are treated, and expect to be treated, like gods, and the trivial tasks of learning to bold your texts are just too beneath them.

I’m glad that so far I have only been blessed with new generation bosses who see employees as teammates and not subordinates. If I had to work in a working environment like the one I had a meeting with today, I would rather live in a cave than having to grin and bare with big-haired, silk suit wearing all-knowing beings’ constant stream of “how do I make the alphabets darker?” or “please make it big big on the screen” kind of surprises.

The “new twitter” Foursquare has surprisingly caught on quick here in Bangkok, partly thanks to the increase of Blackberry users as much as I hate to admit.

Foursquare is a location-based social app. The idea is you “check-in” at places you go during the day. It gives you points, which in turn ranks you in a city chart. And if you check it multiple times at a single place, you can become a “mayor” of that place. It’s a great app to meet people, see which friends are around. You can also add “tips” or advice for these places so other people who have never been there before know what to expect. I’d say it makes an awesome travel guide as you can switch cities.

I knew about this app a long time ago but only recently that they took on more international cities and Bangkok was one of them.

And I have been enjoying it and observing its growth in Bangkok. One thing for sure though, just like any other new social services, people here seem to always find a way to, not misuse, but misunderstand these social apps and turn it into one big mess. Examples:

- Iam Superhot is not an ideal Facebook name.
- RT in Twitter does not mean reply. And really you don’t need to give to us minute-by-minute emotion and digestion report.
- and of course “P’ Nat’s House”, “My room” and “I am drunk now” are not exactly the kind of places and tips Foursquare members can benefit from.

I really don’t know if they misunderstand or they just simply don’t care.

And some just care too much. Like checking in at every BTS station s/he journeys on, or getting insanely empowered by their bogus mayorship, that when I “took over” their favorite mall, they got all pissed off.

This is just insane.

I admit I am a social network addict. I have blogger, wordpress, facebook, twitter, tumblr, youtube, flickr, linkedin and more, and my hands are sometimes glued to the phone, but I’m still able to distinguish between online and offline world.

I had an idea of doing a Social Network Detox for a week to see if I am still capable of living without checking my friends’ and updating my status. I still don’t know when though. Maybe for New Year.

OK, maybe “hate” is too strong.

I don’t understand Windows.

I didn’t bring the Macbook to work today as I have plans with @oakmonster this evening, didn’t feel like dragging another 2.5kg along with me. So I took the Netbook to work. However, when I turned it on this morning I was greeted with a Blue Screen of Death, flashing at me about some corruption in Windows Registry. I don’t know what caused it. I was just using it last night. There’s no real explanation on why this happens (which is apparently common for XP) and no real permanent solution but wiping your PC clean.

And that’s what I did. Glad Samsung comes with a Recovery Solution or I would have to drag my pretty self to either Fortune/Pantip this afternoon and I don’t feel like battling with IT geeks today.

It’s not too bad wiping the Netbook. All my files are stored on either Dropbox or Google Docs so I don’t really have much to scream about…

..except that I have to reinstall all the programs in the awesome Netbook-friendly collection I have tediously built over the last few months since I bought this baby.

My Netbook is (was) almost completely void of all Microsoft programs except the Windows itself. They lag, they crash and they are confusingly stupid.

I was just tweeting about the reinstallation frustration when I got a tweet from @stephietan saying that she actually appreciates my rant as now she knows what programs are good for her netbook.

So I got an idea. Why not blog about what I need to have on my Netbook? Not only that it’s useful for others, it’s also useful for me as I am sure this won’t be the last time I have to rebuild my collection from scratch.

(Mind you: I based all of my selections on the Mac experience that I miss. You don’t really need Minimal theme for your Chrome or an application dock. They just help me cope with using Windows better.)

So Stephie, I dedicate this post to you and all other Mac lovers who have to succumb to Windows for professional reasons.

———-

Google Chrome: First and foremost as you need a fast and reliable browser to download heaps of programs later. And why Chrome? It’s lightweight so it’s netbook-friendly. If you think you’re gonna miss your favorite Firefox extensions then stick with Firefox. I just prefer this.

OpenOffice: Well first you uninstall the memory-eating Windows Office Suite. If you have the legit one that came with Windows, they’re not full-licence anyway so what’s the damn point? The new Windows Office programs are also so damn confusing, god knows which button is where. OpenOffice is free, supports most document formats, even the puzzling .docx.

An Anti-virus Software: I use two actually for my own peace of mind. The open-source AVG and Microsoft’s new and free Security Essentials.

DropBox: I cannot live without DropBox. It’s on my Mac, it’s on my iPhone and now it has to be on the netbook for my life to perfectly work out. It’s a virtual storage, comes with free 2GB and more if you can refer more people. You can access your files on the browser, or like what I’m doing, downloading it and a DropBox folder will be nicely lodged in your My Documents as another folder. And it updates all your DropBox points whenever you add/edit a file.

FoxIt Reader: OK I could use Adobe Reader, it’s free I know but it’s heavy and takes forever to load a PDF with my 1.6 processor. FoxIt is lighter and can do the same job.

Digsby: It’s IM and it’s Social Networking tools. Meaning you can have Google Chat, MSN, *and* Twitter on the same program. I haven’t yet found the right Twitter app for Windows, and those Adobe Air ones (Seesmic, TweetDeck) are too heavy. So I’m sticking to this.

Picasa: Even though I’m not really planning to use the netbook for heavy image editing, it’s just nice to know at least I have some form of image editor on it. It can also organize photos, upload to Flickr/Facebook, and it works with the netbook webcam so it’s the closest thing to Photobooth greatness on this machine.

Thunderbird and Sunbird: I know Google is all “cloud” now but seriously, you still need to do things locally. And these put Google’s finest on your netbook. Thunderbird is email and Sunbird is calendar. But with Provider and Lighting extensions, you’ll only need to use Thunderbird in the end.

7-Zip: WinZip only does .zip, WinRar only does. rar. This one does both for free.

VLC: The ultimate media player. Period.

And something to make me feel like home…

ObjectDock: Works just like the Dock on Mac, you pin your programs here, it even maximizes on mouseover and jumps when it’s opening.

———-

As I was writing that I was reinstalling everything at the same time and it took me half a day to finish doing them all, thanks to Windows’ peculiar policy of needing to reboot your computer almost every time you install/uninstall things.

And no I still don’t know WTF was wrong with my computer this morning.

Maybe it’s time for Linux?

(Now with explanation from a person who works for Microsoft, at the bottom of this post.)

You know how a few years back, hipster nerds and geeks like Adam Brody and Jon Heder have “supposedly” made nerds and geeks cool? Well, the trend never caught on here. Here, nerds are still nerds. The only things that excite them are computer codes and girls.

Why am I ranting? I signed up for the Windows 7 Blogger Day event on Saturday because I, according to the posted qualification of participant, own a blog and have an interest in new technology. Although I am a Mac, I was genuinely interested in Windows 7.

I signed up, went, and left half way. I did have plans to leave early but I thought if the thing was worth canceling plans, then I would. But then things didn’t go that way.

If you had followed the #win7thai Twitter feed on Saturday, among the peer-praising and Windows-wowing tweets, somewhere there’s Gnarly Kitty doing what she does best–ranting. But it was a justifiable rant. Why? Think of this scenario for a second. I was in there, with my Chanel and my itsy bitsy tiny pearly white Samsung netbook (I was clever enough to not bring a Mac) and I was lodged in the back of a room full of male computer nerds. The females I saw were either staff or girlfriends of the lucky few who managed to keep a successful romantic relationship with the opposite sex.

Basically, any female forms in that room were deemed unimportant.

Rather than a professionally composed workshop for Windows 7 enthusiasts, it was more like an offline get-together of Bangkok’s best known nerds, who by the way know each other. They should have warned me that the event was for insiders only so I wouldn’t have embarrassed myself, dragging my female ass to a place where I would not be welcomed.

After series of inside jokes exchanged at one another, even between the guys from Microsoft themselves who apparently were best friends with these attendees, the event finally started. The program promised a showcase by a group of Thai bloggers and developers, some of whom I have seen and followed online, who would come up and show off their favorite Windows 7 features.

By the end of it, if you asked me what Windows 7 can do, I wouldn’t be able to answer a thing.

Oh they showed off some features alright. Like how Windows 7 new wallpaper gallery can make you switch from one half naked girl lying on the bed wallpaper to another half naked Japanese girl in tight uniform wallpaper in a matter of a second. Oh and I also learned about the nicknames these guys give to different versions of Internet Explorer, such as gigs, mistresses, boring first wives and new younger girlfriends.

Then they showed one of the guy’s TwitPic gallery–which I still don’t know how that was relevant to anything about Windows 7–and it was full of even more thumbnails of Motor Show girls, PGs, sexy uniformed girls and more Korean/Japanese fresh meats.

And some of these guys were online individuals I have longed to meet, those I have had respect for for their coverage of technology in Thailand. The David Pogues and the Brian Lams of Thailand. Though they weren’t the ones displaying these photos, I just can’t imagine them being among those who cheered and whistled as each slide showed up.

I was there, sitting at the back, speechless and offended. And they all seemed to be enjoying all this. One even said it’s alright for him to do this because he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Oh really? Don’t you think that because of your personality and derogatory thoughts about women, that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend?

And there was this poor girl, a Microsoft trainee. She got the very look that would make nosebleeds out of these nerds. She was the subject of teases and jokes between the guys and I did not understand why she did not feel offended. She even added fuel to the fire at times by flirting with the presenter about how he did not have enough of her pictures on his presentation.

Where the hell was I? Microsoft’s secret gentlemen’s club? Did you people not see there were other attendees whom you did not know, who were female?

Just imagine this for a second. If this exact same event was held in, say, Silicon Valley, California, what would the reaction be? More cheering, clapping and encouragements? No. It would be more like lawsuits, discrimination charges and a huge PR clean-up by Microsoft.

So I left. Learned nothing. Besides not getting any useful information about Windows 7 out of it, I didn’t even at least get the documents. Thanks for the big Microsoft PR photobook, a B20 tshirt and an even cheaper notebook. But I think only those boring sheets of paper with useful information about Windows 7 would be able to make up for the time I had lost watching members of my gender being ridiculed.

iStudio and Apple conferences are boring, I must admit, but at least I learn things. And most importantly, at least I was considered valuable to their brand and service. If I wanted to see a group of men going googly eyes over half naked girls, I’d go to my neighborhood coyote club.

—————
Edit: I was also emailed by a concerned individual who works for Microsoft. We’ll see how this unfolds.

Edit 2: Just got a response from the guy.

….To give you some background, we previously held a smaller IT blogger’s day that focused more on presenting the key features of Windows 7, which was hosted exclusively by MS staff.

Some of the bloggers who attended that event were then invited to come back for the bigger IT blogger’s day on Saturday to give short presentations on their favorite new features. I believe this may be why you felt that there were a lot of ‘inside-jokes’, with less control from the MS staff over what was discussed – including the wallpapers with photos of women….

….Finally, please accept my apologies again for this and kindly pass this on to your friend too. I will also discuss more with Microsoft to get their thoughts on how we can help and at least make sure that this does not happen again….

For “their side of the story”, the comments on this page are a fun read if you understand Thai. Really gets you inside a typical Thai male psyche.
http://blognone.com/node/13285