This past few days the People of BTS have given me too much of a headache. Also a few actually gave me an illness as my throat is now clogged up. I’m guessing it was due to the kind ladies next to me on Monday who were constantly sneezing all the way from On Nut to Siam.
Just in case you’re new in town, and foolishly thinking that taking Bangkok’s BTS or MRT is like taking one back home. Though the trains may look like an old Shinkansen model, and the stations may look like they have been airlifted from Singapore, but the truth remains: in Thailand, things are not the way they seem.
Someone once told me, Thai people think of the BTS/MRT as a bus. A Thai bus. The one that speeds away from their stop, stops for no one, and speeds off just as fast before you fully get on. It’s also crowded, no room to be polite, you have to be selfish to get to your destination.
This bus culture is still pretty much evident on the BTS/MRT. And just in case you’re not already familiar, here’s a simple set of guidelines for surviving a Bangkok’s public commuter train.
1. Always form a neat queue when waiting for the train. But once it comes, run as fast as you can and push everyone aside so you could get yourself in front of the doors first.
2. No food or drinks on board. But packed sidewalk treats are allowed. Make sure they are as smelly as possible. Think fermented fish, garlic-laced pork barbecue, som tum, fried salted fish, and when possible, ripe durians.
3. If you’re coming down with a flu, don’t worry about carrying a napkin or handkerchief. Once you’ve sneezed, feel free to wipe your hands on the handle bars.
4. When you see that the BTS/MRT is already packed with people, by all means jump right in, especially when the warning sound starts. Just like the yellow light in traffic, the warning sound means “motherfucker go go go” and not “get ready to stop” like the rest of the world.
5. Right in front of the doors but this isn’t your stop? It’s alright to stand and act as if you’re a tree and rooted in your position. Others definitely don’t mind trying to maneuver themselves around you. Just make sure you have an extra layer of skin on your face and all will be fine.
6. See the poles? They’re not for holding. They’re for leaning and hugging, and sometimes as a practice space for your nighttime performance. Feel free to flung your arms around it like it’s your long lost friend. Better yet, lean your sweaty body against it so no one else can hold it. It’s yours to keep.
7. What’s more important? Checking your BB or holding a handle bar? Of course the BlackBerry wins. So when the BTS finally brakes, you can rightfully fall on other passengers. That’s their purpose you know, to be your cushion.
8. Girls, and I’m sure you already know, EVERYONE LOVES your perfume. So go crazy on that bottle of knock-off No. 5 from the talad you bought the other day.
9. Kids. We know those backpacks are heavy. But please don’t rest them on the floor for your convenience. We like it when that thing bumps into the backs of our heads, and you being completely oblivious to the whole thing.
10. Despite multiple staircases, and in Siam, multiple escalators available, you should be lazy and take the same one as everyone else. Because you know, an escalator takes you places faster, even if it means you have to wait in line as long as the BTS itself.