A colleague just got back from an afternoon coffee run when he came over to my desk, slurping away on his iced coffee. And then he did the most annoying, most cringing, most screeching, most painful thing anyone could do to me.

Pulling the straw up and down against the circular opening of the cup’s plastic lid.

Oh my god. I could pee myself. Literally.

I can’t explain the feeling. My mouth will start to water, I feel like my molars are breaking into pieces, my ears yearn to shut but the more I try to ignore, the more screeching the sound gets. Oh my god don’t even want to describe this.

Every time I order an iced drink from Starbucks, or any drinks that come in plastic cup with a plastic lid, I have to ask them not to put the lid on. I don’t care if I spill my drinks. A dirty shirt is better than me twitching and squealing on the floor like an epileptic pig.

It’s not just the straw and lid combo that gets me. There’s also the fork and the ceramic bowl, the knife and the dish, the ice and the metal spoon, the wipers and the slightly wet windshield, THE WHOLE DENTIST EXPERIENCE, the sneakers and the basketball court, the fingers and the squeaky clean plastic things, and the list goes on.

I’m already getting goosebumps writing all this up. Stopping now.