A colleague just got back from an afternoon coffee run when he came over to my desk, slurping away on his iced coffee. And then he did the most annoying, most cringing, most screeching, most painful thing anyone could do to me.

Pulling the straw up and down against the circular opening of the cup’s plastic lid.

Oh my god. I could pee myself. Literally.

I can’t explain the feeling. My mouth will start to water, I feel like my molars are breaking into pieces, my ears yearn to shut but the more I try to ignore, the more screeching the sound gets. Oh my god don’t even want to describe this.

Every time I order an iced drink from Starbucks, or any drinks that come in plastic cup with a plastic lid, I have to ask them not to put the lid on. I don’t care if I spill my drinks. A dirty shirt is better than me twitching and squealing on the floor like an epileptic pig.

It’s not just the straw and lid combo that gets me. There’s also the fork and the ceramic bowl, the knife and the dish, the ice and the metal spoon, the wipers and the slightly wet windshield, THE WHOLE DENTIST EXPERIENCE, the sneakers and the basketball court, the fingers and the squeaky clean plastic things, and the list goes on.

I’m already getting goosebumps writing all this up. Stopping now.

I don’t think there is any word to match the intensity of the word “hia” in English.

F*ucker, d*ckhead, as*hole, mofo. None of them comes close.

It’s not a great word to describe a person, especially when that person is yourself. But somehow, me being hia on the road on the way home today was pretty much one of the few satisfying and fulfilling things that happened to me in the whole week.

I came across one of those drivers who just has to always be first. If there’s a car in front of him, he has to find a way to get in front of it.

I was the car he was trying to get rid off. We turned right at a junction together and I already saw that he was trying to go to the next lane so he could cut me off. In the lane next to me however, there was this beatup truck that couldn’t move faster than a grandpa. The truck was a bit ahead of me and I knew if I didn’t close the gap between the truck and me, the A-Hole would be able to cut in front of me.

So I leveled to the truck, obstructing him from cutting. He swiveled for a while between my lane and the truck’s lane. Finally I saw the truck making a sign to turn right, so I got into his lane (which was the far right lane, lane for speeders and crazy drivers) and waited for the A-Hole to tailgate me.

He got the bait. The left lane next to me was full of moderately-slow moving cars and there was no gap for the A-Hole to get it and cut in front of me. This would be fun, I thought, and started to drive really slowly, letting my accelerator go and let my car cruise along.

He flashed, and sped, and swiveled and flashed again. I knew I got him in my hand. So I tried something. I sped up a little, convincing him that maybe I would finally let him cut me. And when he got the bait, I just BRAKED like there was no tomorrow. He almost his the partition on the right.

Now he got really pissed. There was more flashing and honking. That’s was when I came to realize that it was time for me to change lanes as I had to make a left turn into my soi.

To my pleasant surprise, the idiot was heading to my soi too. He started moving his car toward the left. Luckily for me, there was no car next nor in front of us, so I just played with him some more and cruised my car, slowly, along with him behind me to the left.

That was awesome.

In my soi, it’s usually quite deserted at night, meaning if you’ve got a slow car in front of you, you can easily cut them by going over to the incoming lane (which is NOT a good traffic conduct) and cut them off.

Today the soi was packed with carts and taxis. Every time he tried to go into the opposite lane, he had to come back into our lane, and still not managing to cut me off. That happened about five times, him swiveling back and forth and that was the highlight of the night.

I can totally imagine the anger that was coming out of his ears when he finally had to make a turn at a junction while I was going straight, meaning our little battle was over and he didn’t even get to cut me off.

Mom said I could have got shot.

Well, guess who I learned the tricks from?

Please tell me that it's JUST my house that the power is out at 1 something in the morning on a hot balmy not so rainy night after a really long and tiring day I just had.

~

Sent via BlackBerry® from AIS

What are the odds? First I never take a shower at 2 in the morning. Second, if it's this late, I would never ever wash my hair. And third, what are the odds that the lights GO OUT while it is NOT raining at TWO in the morning while I am naked with a headful of SHAMPOO??

You would never know how precious half a bottle of water is until you're stranded in a desert or when you're in the middle of a shampoo session in the dark with no running water.

~

Sent via BlackBerry® from AIS

Not only have you decided to interrupt my Gossip Girl pleasure with your Academy Propaganda, you have also decided it would be a great idea to disrupt my blogging spirit too.

Attention blog readers: all blogs hosted on blogspot.com are down for all True internet users. This means Bangkok Pundit is also inaccessible, not just blogs of no importance like mine.

Nice work, True. You pulled a big one this time.

If you really need to access it, try a proxy like onebigorange.com.

Thanks BP for the tip.