Where were all these people when I had my BlackBerry last year huh?

Seriously. These days there’s not a day that goes by without me hearing “di di dee” BBM alerts in restaurants, shops, cafes, BTS, bookstores, toilets, elevators, etc.

I wasn’t this annoying when I had one. Oh yeah that’s right. When I had one, NO ONE HAD IT. I had ONE person on my BBM.

When I first got it, some of my “friends” were like, “Ew. What phone is that? So ugly. Can’t even take proper pictures.” And guess what? A number of those said friends are now proud CrackBerries. When I asked why they wanted it, the popular answer being, “BlackBerry Messenger is, like, so cool! OMG! You can like, talk to friends, and stuff”.

Gag.

If one more asks for my BlackBerry PIN on Facebook I’m gonna kill somebody.

Some people don’t even ask. They would just go on their friends’ Facebook profiles POSTING the damn PIN number on their Walls as if to see who would take the bait. And funniest thing? These people asking to be my BBM friends aren’t ones I would pleasantly talk to in real life, why would I want them stalking me 24/7 on my phone?

Blackberry is a great phone I admit. The iPhone’s Push system will never get to that level. Heck I miss the keyboard every time I have to re-spell my sentences for the Nth time on iPhone’s glossy surface of a key. And look at the amount of apps they have now compared to what I had to make do with back in the day. My Twitter app was just a black and white writing space where I only had to type a 140-character prose and click send. No reading. No replying. No retweeting. No nothing. And look, now everyone in Bangkok is on Twitter. They didn’t even know what that was before they had the phone. Which is like, last week.

Seriously, what caused this Blackberry boom in Bangkok, somebody please enlighten me? In MBK there are now nuemrous stores selling pretty cases for all models of the damn phone. I had to make do with a cloth pouch as no one cared to import, or even fake, the cases as the phones were so damn unpopular. I had my Curve FOR A YEAR and never once was my PIN number something of a prestige commodity. Now when I tell people I don’t use Blackberry, I get a face. “Oh my god, you’re still using the iPhone? It’s so last year.”

“What’s an App?” “How do I use my own ringtone?” “How do I delete music?” Those were the questions I was asked by these people when they still had iPhones. I met a friend the other day, who was already a BlackBerry convert but still had the iPhone in her purse. The firmware she was using was 1.1.4. I am not joking. I asked why she didn’t update it, answer? “The iPhone is too difficult. So I’m just using it as the iPod now.”

Most of these people didn’t even know how to put music and apps into their own iPhones when they were so eager to have one. Just went to MBK and got them to do it. Oh I know. I was asked many times back then where one could do such a thing.

Brainless, trend-dependent, pretentious Bangkokian bitches.

Eff you.

You gotta love the level of service in Thailand. I know I do. They just keep making my life so colorful and help me release my bottled emotions. This edition of Thai Service rant is starring two female staff of Siam Paragon, 3rd floor gift section.

Earlier in the evening I had my eyes on a computer bag at a craft shop in Siam Square where you can decorate it with their iron-on felt characters. Unfortunately the shop didn’t have the color of the bag I wanted, so they suggested that I checked at Paragon, one of their department store booths.

So I did and there it was my beautiful cloth laptop bag in brownish cream with touches of grayish blue. I picked out a cute retro cat design, a few flowers and a letter K just to spice up its boring housewife look and headed to the shop girl.

I gave her my Paragon Prestige Platinum card, which should automatically give me 10% discount.

She: “We don’t accept that card anymore. We have a new policy now. You can get discount only if your purchase is B1,500 or more. Please go upstairs to the members lounge to change it.”

We recently received a letter from Paragon regarding this matter. I was aware of it. But the letter also said we did not need to replace the card.

Foolishly, I followed her instruction, dragging myself, my 2kg MacBook and my oversized handbag to the 4th floor.

With my suspposedly defunct card in hand, I fetched me staff who said,

“You don’t need to replace the card. It can be used with the new policy”

“But the shop girl downstairs wouldn’t accept it for discounts. She said I had to change it.”

“You can go down there and tell her the office said so. If she still refuses, tell her to call us.”

An effective display of authority right there. I was impressed. Well not for long.

I dragged myself down to the corner of my dream laptop bag again, headed to the girl and told her I didn’t need to change it. I showed her the card, and she gave me this response,

“Oh sorry. The old and the new cards are similar. This one doesn’t have gold stars.”

“ขอโทษค่ะดูผิด บัตรใหม่กะเก่าหน้าตาเหมือนกัน เออใช่อันนี้ไม่มีดาวสีทองๆ”

OK, I wasn’t so heated just yet. I waited at the shop while she went off with my debit Visa and my Prestige card. She came back a few minutes later, handed me the slip to sign and that’s when hell broke lose.

The price on the slip says B1,672.

Not only that they forgot to give me to 10% discount (as my total was over B1,500), the price for my stuff BEFORE the supposed 10% discount was B1,625. Tax is included in retail and they don’t charge service. How the hell did it even increase??

I confronted her. She gave me a blank look. I told her this was impossible and sent her back to the cashier to get it fixed.

Five minutes passed and there was no sign of her. So I went to the cashier myself and found her bickering with the cashier girl.

“Why is this total wrong? Can you cancel it?” I asked the cashier. No answer from the girl. She didn’t even look at me.

“Can you please get someone to check this? A manager?” Still no look or response from the girl. So..

“Get me the damn manager, could you please your highness?”

“ไม่ทราบว่าท่านจะกรุณาไปตามผู้จัดการมันมาหน่อยได้มั๊ยเพคะ?”

Yes I shouted that to her face.

After over 30 minutes of clueless discussion between the cashier and the shop girl, none of whom ever informed me of what was going on, when I asked I simply got a Please-Wait-A-Moment from these wonderfully nonchalant staff.

“We can cancel the purchase but we cannot cancel the payment from your card. We can’t reimburse you either. Please contact your bank. Here’s the number.”

“คือเราแคนเซิลให้แล้ว แต่วอยออกไม่ได้น่ะค่ะ ทางเราก็คงคืนเงินสดให้ไม่ได้เหมือนกัน คุณต้องติดต่อแบงค์เองอ่ะค่ะ ทำให้ไม่ได้”

“I’m sorry let me get this straight. I have wasted my time, and energy, for 30 minutes just to have you say that I have to fix YOUR problem myself? Get. Me. The. Damn. Manager.”

The manager came, picked up the phone and made a few calls.

“Your money will be put back in your account by tomorrow.” I asked for their names, the name of the person they talked to on the phone, and for my receipts and cancellation proof. But then I still had to ask, why on earth wouldn’t the cashier, or heck, the machine even realize that the card gives 10% discount? Why are the staff clueless about this change? How can you people work without communicating?

The manager went and fetched the cashier girl, who was asked to bring along the registry log. The manager took one look at the log and asked her, “You didn’t swipe the card twice and press that button did you?”

Looking totally emotionless at her boss and said, “Oh is that how you do it?”

“อ๋อ ต้องทำอย่างนี้ด้วยเหลอ ไม่รู้นิ”

I had the urge to take my G10 out and take a picture of her. Heck I wish I could video the whole thing.

And funniest thing, this whole time they still expected me to buy their stuff. The shop girl put everything in the bag and was just waiting for me to pay for it. Again.

“I really don’t think I want to give my money for that anymore.”

*Planning on translating this. It would be more effective in Thai. If all else fails, there’s still Google Translator.

A colleague just got back from an afternoon coffee run when he came over to my desk, slurping away on his iced coffee. And then he did the most annoying, most cringing, most screeching, most painful thing anyone could do to me.

Pulling the straw up and down against the circular opening of the cup’s plastic lid.

Oh my god. I could pee myself. Literally.

I can’t explain the feeling. My mouth will start to water, I feel like my molars are breaking into pieces, my ears yearn to shut but the more I try to ignore, the more screeching the sound gets. Oh my god don’t even want to describe this.

Every time I order an iced drink from Starbucks, or any drinks that come in plastic cup with a plastic lid, I have to ask them not to put the lid on. I don’t care if I spill my drinks. A dirty shirt is better than me twitching and squealing on the floor like an epileptic pig.

It’s not just the straw and lid combo that gets me. There’s also the fork and the ceramic bowl, the knife and the dish, the ice and the metal spoon, the wipers and the slightly wet windshield, THE WHOLE DENTIST EXPERIENCE, the sneakers and the basketball court, the fingers and the squeaky clean plastic things, and the list goes on.

I’m already getting goosebumps writing all this up. Stopping now.

I owe it all to The Lost Boy for this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

You: this is weird.
You: was introduced to this by a very bored friend at work
Stranger: hi
Stranger: same here
You: is it ok to ask where ur from?
Stranger: yaa hot boiii??
Stranger: im a 54 year old man
Stranger: common you know you wanna disconnect
Stranger: a creepy old pedo
Stranger: ahahhaahah
Stranger: i collect my toe nails in a jar:D
You: ok i guess i deserve this. should have known coming onto these things wont let me interact with normal people
Stranger: maybe maybe
Stranger: i however am not
Stranger: :D
Stranger: and admit it your weird on the inside
You: those who say theyre not weird they usually are
Stranger: oh noo i am saying im not normal
Stranger: SO I AM WEIRD
Stranger: AND IM PROUD
Stranger: common
Stranger: the buttons right there
Stranger: tempted?
You: what are u even talking about?
Stranger: DISCONNECTING
Stranger: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOOO
Stranger: COMMONN
Stranger: IM CREEPY:D
Stranger: I EAT MY PUBES
Stranger: lol
Stranger: im pissing myself at this shit
Stranger: :D
You: ah hah
You: thats very interesting of you
Stranger: ever had a pube sandwich?
Stranger: i know huh i am just one interesting mother fucker
Stranger: and your boring mee
Stranger: sooo ill walk away with my pride
Stranger: if i disconnect
Stranger: agreed?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Yup. Omegle.

Or at least that’s what we’re being assured by the government.

I am in awe at how incompetent our police and soldiers and law enforcers are. I mean I have always known they are useless to some extend, but really to have your fire trucks, public buses and army tanks climbed on and hijacked so easily, how can we ever feel safe in this city?

Two days ago we were out shopping at Tha Prachan when I was told the tanks were coming to the area and that state of emergency was declared. And I tell you we were just on the Chor Por Ror and Phitsanulok just at most 30 minutes before it all started but somehow all the way back into the city we found these roads all blocked and flocked with our nation’s finest rednecks.

To be able to block such big roads is such little time is amazing. What did the cops do, just watched? What did the soldiers do when they started climbing the tanks, just watched?

Amazing Thailand really, I am impressed by how awfully incompetent this whole nation is.

OK, thanks to Marky who finally made those soldiers do their job, I’m glad it all worked out with no casualties–at least not by the hands of the government’s side.

And really do you really believe they were for real when they “surrendered”. Come on, don’t let this stupidity drag on.

It’s come to the point that I wonder why Thaksin is still alive. His daughter is on Facebook, along with hundreds, even thousands, of other twenty-something Bangkokians whom her dad pissed off this week, I am sure he’s not that hard to find, especially when she keeps updating her status about what she’s doing and where, and at times complete with pictures of herself and daddy.

One other thing that pissed me off. Where the fuck was the PAD? You guys were all balls when it was your turn, closing down airports and things, but when your enemies were out torching buses, where were you? Watching the whole ordeal in the comfort of your Hua Hin resort homes?

This country pisses me off each day I grow older.